Conflicts in a modern family from the social context

Conflicts have always been an integral part of society. A conflict is a clash between people or large social groups, which is a ubiquitous phenomenon, i.e. any society is subject to conflicts. They can lead to the destruction of not only economic or political systems, but also society as a whole. Therefore, a special branch has emerged within sociology – conflictology , which faces a number of scientific and practical problems.

The term "conflict" comes from the Latin word conflictus - clash. The concept of "social conflict" is a complex phenomenon. It is a certain form of social interaction between people in the form of a clash of opposing goals, values, views, needs, interests. Conflict is the simultaneous deployment of action and counter-action . It is an exceptionally complex action of two or more parties united by opposition.

The term "social conflict" was introduced by the German sociologist Georg Simmel, who called it a "dispute". M. Weber called conflict a "struggle". The English sociologist Anthony Giddens defines conflict as "a real struggle between acting people or groups".

Americans T. Parsons and R. Merton considered conflict as a dysfunction of individual structures in a social system. L. Coser considers conflict to be the most important element of social interaction, which contributes to the strengthening or destruction of social ties. In general, in sociology, conflict is defined as a form of interaction between different social communities.

It is useful to begin the analysis of conflicts from the elementary, simplest level, from the origins of the emergence of conflict relations. Traditionally, it begins with the structure of needs, the set of which is specific to each individual and social group. A. Maslow divides all these needs into five main types: 1) physical needs (food, sex, material well-being, etc.); 2) the need for safety; 3) social needs (needs for communication, social contacts, interaction); 4) the need to achieve prestige, knowledge, respect, a certain level of competence; 5) higher needs for self-expression, self-affirmation (for example, the need for creativity).

In any society, the family has a dual character. On the one hand, it is a social institution, on the other hand, it is a small group with its own patterns of functioning and development. Hence its dependence on the social system, existing economic, political, religious relations and, at the same time, relative independence. It should be noted that economic, social difficulties, political conflicts and general instability affect the solution of problems facing the family. This explains that in countries with a stable, developed, powerful economy and a stable political system, it is much easier for families to solve many of their problems and they feel more confident than in countries where economic and political cataclysms and economic crises constantly occur. Political instability in Russia, the economic crisis, legal chaos , and the loss of international authority have developed into a system of social crisis. Under its influence, the family experiences severe adversity and suffers serious losses. For example, today the achievement of many family values is blocked. We are talking about the birth of children, their rest and treatment, obtaining an apartment, etc.

The most important social problem is mutual understanding in the family, its cohesion, the ability to overcome difficulties. Social problems of the family in modern conditions are aggravated by the decline in the birth rate, the aging of the population, the instability of marriage, the growth of free unions, illegitimate births, etc. Contradictions and conflicts are inevitable in the family, because spouses may differ in character, spiritual needs, level of emotionality, character and level of culture. Tension in the family can arise on the basis of housekeeping, raising children, financial support of the family, etc. A conflict situation in marriage is a clash of opposing opinions, views on any phenomena and events, misunderstanding between spouses, often leading to divorce. The causes of conflicts are due to both material and moral-psychological difficulties. According to men, the following most often have a negative impact on family relationships: lack of money – 22.6%, frequent absence of one of the spouses from home due to work – 22.4%, poor housing conditions – 22%, parental interference – 19.7%, different outlooks on life – 11.6%, and inattention of the spouse – 10.2%. According to women, the following complicate family life: frequent absence of one of the spouses from home due to work – 26.6%, lack of money – 16.5%, poor housing conditions – 15.2%, parental interference – 15.6%, inattention of the spouse – 13.5%, and distribution of household responsibilities – 11%. [3; p.6].

Sociologists classify modern families based on the fact of the wife's work, her attitude to this work, and the husband's participation in household chores. American scientist Jesse Bernard identifies the following types of families in this regard: 1) when the husband works, the wife is at home. The husband and wife are happy with this circumstance. 2) Both the husband and wife work out of necessity, the wife would be happy to sit at home. Gradually, a feeling of infringement increases , even more so for the husband. 3) Both work, the wife performs all the responsibilities around the house, but both are happy that they work. 4) Both work and both share the responsibilities around the house.

The idea has been expressed in literature that the solution to strengthening the family is to return to the mother's calling, to leave work. Jessie Bernard objects to this conclusion, believing that it will not solve the problem, because a woman who has tasted freedom will not give up her free choice of work and social activity. Joint housekeeping seems promising to her.

Conflicts in the family arise not only between spouses, but also between parents and their children. They are more difficult to resolve, because they are based on the differences in the cultures of old and new generations. Conflicts are overcome under the influence of common aspirations to achieve harmony, affection, love of family members for each other, under the influence of the attitude towards mutual understanding, tolerance, indulgence, under the influence of the fear of family breakdown, loss of affection. If conflicts and tensions are not overcome, this leads to the breakdown of the family. Conflicts are inevitable, they occur in every family for one reason or another, but each family member must strive to resolve it, to reach a compromise, make concessions, strive to understand each other.

The study of problems related to the family is becoming increasingly important both in theoretical and practical, life terms. It is known that the instability of marriage and family, manifested in the growth of the number of divorces, is characteristic of almost all developed countries of the world. This is explained by the influence of urbanization and the intensive migration of the population caused by it, the emancipation of women, the scientific and technological revolution, reasons of a socio-economic, cultural, ethnic, religious nature. At present, the institution of the family is going through difficult times. Many factors that stabilize the family from the outside have disappeared: the economic dependence of a woman on her husband, legal, religious, moral prohibition or condemnation of divorce. In these conditions, internal factors inherent in the family acquire a decisive significance for the stability of marriage. Numerous sociological studies show that in the overwhelming majority of cases, divorce is based on a conflict between spouses that has reached such a degree that it can only be resolved by dissolution of the marriage.

The reasons that influence crisis situations in the family and ultimately lead to divorce can be grouped into three blocks. [4; p.224].

• 1.    Domestic (housing conditions, inability or unwillingness of one of the spouses to manage the household, financial insecurity, forced separation).

• 2.    Interpersonal conflicts (loss of love and affection, rudeness, different outlooks on life, illness of one of the spouses, jealousy, suspiciousness). In this block, the main factor is the rudeness and disrespect of the spouses for each other. For women who initiate divorce, these reasons are most often associated with the spouse's alcoholism, which is where rudeness, beatings, insults, threats, etc. come from. For men, as a rule, the wife's rudeness has a fundamentally different content. This is , first of all, disrespect for the husband, disbelief in his abilities, unwillingness to take his interests into account, disregard for production (professional) successes and failures, reproaches, petty guardianship, dislike for the husband's friends, etc. Closely related to this is such a factor as a difference in outlook on life - the so-called dissimilarity of characters. It is much more important for men than for women.

• 3.    External factors (betrayal, the emergence of a new family or new feelings in the initiator of the divorce, the intervention of parents and other persons).

• 2.    Divorce as a socio-psychological phenomenon. Family as a source of mental trauma

The reasons that cause a conflict and predetermine divorce at one level or another can be very diverse. But according to the time of their occurrence, they can be divided into two large groups. These are the reasons that arose directly during the marriage, during life together and common housekeeping, and the reasons that objectively existed before the creation of the family. The latter group of reasons is called risk factors, since their presence during the period of premarital acquaintance already conceals the danger of future divorce. Risk factors are associated with both the personality of the person, his origin, upbringing, and the conditions of marriage. Risk factors include: a large difference in education and age between the spouses (especially if the woman is much older); a tendency to alcoholism by one of the spouses; a frivolous attitude towards marriage, family in general; too early age at marriage; the likelihood of an early birth of a child; too short a period of acquaintance; strong disagreement of the parents to the marriage; forced marriage, without mutual consent. These factors make themselves felt literally in the first years of life together and largely determine the fact that more than a third of divorces occur in families with a life together of one to three years. Survey results show that a significant portion of young people (about 1/3) entered into marriage based on motives lying outside the family sphere: the desire to leave the parental home, to take a responsible independent step, to take revenge on someone, or simply for the company of a friend. Naturally, such a superficial, frivolous attitude to marriage, the lack of appropriate motivation leads to the fact that the spouses do not face the tasks of selfdetermination of the family, clarification of marital roles, the intra-family status of each of them, their common goals. There are also marriages between spouses, the age of each of whom does not exceed 20 years. In this case, psychological unpreparedness for marriage is most often manifested. Young families, as a rule, are not separated from their parents and are entirely financially dependent on them. In such a situation, such problems arise as ensuring the independence of the young family, leadership in it (often one of the parents of the spouses claims this role), the problem of relationships between members of the young family and the parents living with them, which can develop unfavorably and complicate the inevitable marital conflicts in this case. In Russia, the average age of those entering into marriage for the first time is generally lower than in Europe and the USA. It is 21.7 years for women and 23 for men. In Western Europe, the corresponding figures are 25.7 and 28.4. [4; p. 223]. This is primarily due to the specifics of the Western education system. Moreover, the tendency towards an increase in the age of marriage (the so-called maturation of marriages) is not yet observed in our country. Large-scale indicators of the disintegration of marital and family relations confirm the concept of the famous philosopher M. Heidegger , who announced the loss of human rootedness . The threat of being left without roots is not a consequence of fate, external circumstances, people's carelessness or an unsuccessful way of life. It "comes from the very spirit of the century in which we were born". [2; p. 260]. The successes of science, technology, the commodity-money sphere, the mobility of the population, the inconstancy of human contacts have their impact on feelings. Since we live in a time of transition from a traditional society, where man was corporate, to a modernized one , making him an individualist, communities, religions and families are losing their universal significance. A modern person builds a career on his own, not relying to the same extent as before on belonging to a clan, family or community. Therefore, the role of individual interests, which are directed against family universality and family unity, increases. Among the reasons for divorce, there is such a thing as disappointment in a partner and the loss of the initial feeling of love based on this. This danger lies in wait primarily for those spouses who did not know each other for long before the wedding (from three to six months). Thus, we see that a number of factors that negatively affect the strength of a marriage can be identified even before the creation of a family hearth. However, the majority of divorces occur, of course, due to reasons that arise (develop) directly as a result of living together. The greatest number of dissolved marriages occurs at the age of 25-30, when the spouses become quite independent financially, have had time to get to know each other's shortcomings well and are convinced of the impossibility of living together. At the same time, they are young enough to create a new full-fledged family and have children. Also, a large number of divorces occur at the age of about 40. This is due to the fact that the children have grown up and there is no need to keep the family together for their sake, and one of the spouses actually has another family. The maximum share of divorces falls on the first five years of married life. The presence of children in the family directly affects the strength of the marriage. In large families, where the number of children is more than three, the percentage of divorces is much lower than the average. However, it is worth noting that, according to statistics, the number of marriages in the Arkhangelsk region in 2007 for the first time in many years approached the figures of the early 90s of the 20th century. The marriage rate also increased by 16% compared to the 2006 level. But the divorce rate in 2008 exceeded its 2003 maximum per 1000 people (5.5). Several levels of marital relationships are distinguished, at which conflicts may occur.

• 1.    Psychophysiological level. Here disharmony manifests itself in a disruption of sexual life. In general, this phenomenon occurs quite often, but only a few note it as the main reason for the decision to divorce.

• 2.    Psychological level. An unhealthy climate is created in the family, manifested in constant

• 3.    Social-role level. Symptoms of instability of this level are incorrect, uneven distribution of family and household burden, chaos of family life.

• 4.    Sociocultural (spiritual) level. Here, conflicts take the form of misunderstanding between spouses, disrespect, lack of interest or dissatisfaction with communication with the partner, rejection of his life values, ideals.

• 3.    To understand the family as a social institution, the analysis of role relationships in the family is of great importance. What is the concept of "family role", what defines "family roles"?

quarrels, mutual nagging, irritability, which is often taken out on the children.

Of course, all four groups of factors are closely intertwined. Thus, betrayal can be a consequence of inattention, rudeness, and rudeness can be a result of economic troubles, etc.

Different people experience the breakup of their families differently. According to many Russian and foreign sociologists, the most common consequences of divorce are a decrease in work activity, a high probability of nervous stress, and mental disorders. It is especially painful for society that the influence of parents on the upbringing of children is weakened, and children become the subject of serious conflicts between divorcing spouses, and often such conflicts go far beyond the pre-divorce and divorce stages and continue for many years.

Thus, instability of marriage creates acute problems both for those who want to start a family and for those whose family has been destroyed. At the same time, divorce cannot be considered as an entirely negative phenomenon, since the freedom to dissolve a marriage is one of the means of ensuring social justice in family and marital relations, a means of preserving their moral foundations. Both the abuse of freedom of divorce and a blanket negative approach to divorce, regardless of the individual situation, are fundamentally wrong. At the same time, family services can play a significant role in preventing divorces (the effectiveness of their work in Moscow is evidenced by the fact that 2/3 of married couples who were on the verge of divorce and turned to specialists changed their minds and managed to regulate their family relations), improving the organization of household services, and solving the housing problem.

The concept of "family role" implies all the functions performed by each family member, i.e. who he is in the family. For example, for a traditional type of family, it is assumed that the wife performs the function of the hostess, mother, organizer of the hearth and home, and the main function of the man is the breadwinner, the male breadwinner of the family, and also the unconditional head of the family. In a modern family, not only are the traditional roles of women transformed due to their mass participation in professional activities, but the roles of men are also changing. For example, in Western European countries, cases when a man takes parental leave are no longer abnormal and out of the ordinary. Therefore, it is important to find out how the spouses perceive the new situation, whether they are ready for the redistribution of family responsibilities, what leadership in the family depends on. In our country, where the level of mechanization in everyday life is quite low, especially in rural areas, the network of household services is not available to everyone, household problems fall primarily on the shoulders of women, aggravating the already difficult conflict of roles - the contradictions between a woman's professional activity and her family responsibilities, between the role of wife, mother and worker. A woman often has to combine activities in the sphere of social production and household, especially in the sphere of family life. [1; p. 241]. However, mass surveys show that only a small percentage of women (5%) choose the most attractive lifestyle of a family non-working woman who devotes herself exclusively to caring for children and her husband. Only 1% of the women surveyed allow themselves to be equal to men in their attitude to work, the length of working hours and the amount of vacation. Meanwhile, more than half believe that women's working hours could be shorter than men's, and their annual vacation - longer. However, given the current state of affairs, and realizing that the state is unable to provide women with a choice of their preferred way of life, the only real solution to the problem of women’s dual employment is the redistribution of family and household responsibilities, i.e. a fair, proportional division of household responsibilities between family members, the interchangeability of spouses in solving household problems (the so-called “role symmetry”).