Satisfaction with the marriage as a factor of tolerant consciousness of the marital relations

The problem of the quality of marriage is one of the most important topics at the family study. In the literature, there are some family problems in terms blurring, particularly in determining the stability of the marriage. The spouses think that the main satisfactory motives for marriage are as follows: a community of interests, attitudes and love. At marriage unsatisfied spouses call at first the following reasons: it is the material calculation, an accident, a desire to improve their living conditions, frivolity. Satisfaction is the more common in those relationships where the moral motives encourage the spouses to enter into the marriage. The question of stability and improvement of the marital relationship is put on the national level in relation due to the demographic challenge of declining fertility. The solving of these problems is impossible without the family relationships study and its mechanisms. The socio-psychological intra climate has important influence on the development of the adults and the children.

A person's ability to establish a positive relationship with the other people is formed in the family. The tolerant consciousness of spouses is expressed in the desire to reach the understanding in the process of communication using the methods of cooperation and dialogue techniques. The life cycle of the family is a certain sequence of steps that takes place every family in accordance with their physiological, psychological and moral changes occurring to its members. The efficiency of the interpersonal interaction and mutual understanding in the family are based on the ability of each spouse to take himself, another, empathize and support each other. It is assumed that with the change of the place of children in the family structure (kindergarten, school etc.) it changes the tolerant consciousness of the spouses (the psychological characteristics of tolerance improve). Thus, it is important to study the psychological characteristics of the tolerant consciousness of the spouses at different stages of family life cycle [7].

The first study on the satisfaction in marriage to the former Soviet Union was held by Y.E. Alyoshin's quote from the abstract: «The building dependency of the marital satisfaction on its length is complex. Initially, during the first two decades of the life cycle of the family marital satisfaction gradually decreases, reaching its minimum in pairs with the experience of marriage from 12 to 18 years, and after the couple's experience of living together from 18 to 26 years it increases again. Great influence on the spouses' perception of each other and their relationship has the birth of the first child in the family and the achievement of the last of the older children independence. One of the most important factors that determine the features of perception of spouses to each other and their relations are the changes in the rigidity of the sex-role differentiation in the relations that are most clearly manifested in the situation of the married couples and the parents of very young children. Great influence on the quality of the marital relationship has a match or mismatch of the perception of the marital relations and the requirements for them, in men and women at different stages of the family development cycle» [1].

In 2013, in Novopolotsk, Belarus L.S. Konopleva conducted a study on the satisfaction in marriage at different stages of family life cycle [11]. The satisfaction marriage at different stages of the family life cycle has a U-shaped curve (see image).

The image. A graphical representation of the averages of the differences within the groups.

Family Classification: 1 – the families without children; 2 – the families with small children; 3 – the families with children attending the kindergarten; 4 – a school family; 5 – the families in which the children are partly independent from their parents; 6 – a family which left the children [2].

The reducing satisfaction marriage in the family of the period from the date of the children’s entry to the institutions of socialization such as a kindergarten, a school, a university activates more such personal qualities as will, duty and emotional component of the perception of the identity of their needs recedes into the background. In the first place there is the duty, the responsibility, the "I" must. This is consistent with the representation of A. Barkai that the family evolves with the arrival of the child in the institution of socialization: a kindergarten, a school, a university and at the same time the parents learn to be parents. The parents' learning process is characterized as a social stress personality, leading to qualitative, irreversible, positive changes in attitude of tolerance [4].

Love needs to learn it and the feeling of love can be developed. It is impossible to love without the empathic abilities just as you can not have a love without the empathy. The development of a sense of love and the capacity for empathy is possible in the knowledge of a sense of unity with the surrounding world, the adoption in yourself of a different creature and feel yourself in another creature (devotion of oneself to someone). At the core of the attitude of tolerance is developed a sense of love and capacity for empathy [9].

The correct perception of reality is another possible, if desired, and the ability to look at everything through the eyes of another considering to his experience and in another, the empathy should be sincere, the person should not play a role, he should be himself. The human evaluation is also unacceptable so as the evaluation is a form of the moral condemnation. The evaluation limits the behavior so as it is rewarding and punishing behavior. The capacity for empathy plays a large role in the creation of harmonious relations within the family structure [3].

In the longitudinal study of the attitude of tolerance characteristics were identified as follows: "In pairs which the family has previously being living in the civil marriage, the level of capacity for empathy was increased and the level of negative communication setup, the actual rigidity were decreased, and the degree of satisfaction in marriage was increased. This can be explained by the fact that the fell within the personal conflict is related to the uncertain social status of the marriage partners [8].

The satisfaction marriage is positively related to all the factors of the tolerant consciousness with the ability to empathy [10].

The understanding of the emotional sphere of the other people, the causes of certain emotions which allow to predict the actions of others and therefore to manage effectively. The emotions act as the monitoring human mental activity and control its behavior, so the empathy facilitates the prediction of events. The individuality of the other person is a system of relationships to oneself, to the others and to the world around. The meaning of the life, the motivation, the self- awareness are the main components of a personality. The development of a sense of love by empathic abilities allows to represent accurately a personal portrait of another person and to build a pragmatic relationship with him. The capacity for empathy develops in the ontogeny, then it is possible to develop. The hypothesis put forward in the study are confirmed. The capacity for empathy as an internal component of human consciousness plays a big role in the formation of tolerant consciousness of the human person [6].

The general rules of the intolerant manifestations of consciousness through the people are the tendency to command; they evoke pride, arrogance, snobbery; they rise to the role of a prophet; the imposing their views; they control and prohibit. The tolerant consciousness manifests itself in a man through: the tendency to direct the activities of an independent person; preach the exclusiveness and uniqueness of each person; they see themselves as intermediaries between the actors interact. The individual program for the development of the capacity for empathy and love is composed of a sequence of consultations, taking into account the client's personal characteristics. It is considered the level of customer awareness and unique life situations [5].

The marriage satisfaction is an indicator of the level of emotional evaluation of the interpersonal communication in the married couples and is expressed in the need of friendship, compassion, communication. Therefore, the marriage satisfaction can diagnose communicative emotional orientation and psychological climate in the family. The personal development of a man depends on his emotional development of the consciousness. In other words, a person begins to act one way or another, knowing that he feel what it have feelings and will act depending on what kind of emotions would like to feel and what to avoid. The prevailing feelings are the important determinants of the emotional sphere of a personality. The emotions are dictated by the feelings that are experienced at one time or another. The married couples merge the emotional states of the two people as the partners feel the emotional state, empathize, sympathize with each other, if one feels fear, joy, pain, and the other begins to feel the same. Therefore, in the family develops the empathic way of the interpersonal communication. Therefore, the development of the emotional sphere is influenced by the personal attitudes and the society. Therefore, the level of the emotional relationship to one's family at the marriage partners is an indicator of the development of the tolerant consciousness of a person.