Taking child age and physical features into consideration in the family upbringing (on the example of Mongolian family)

Urjinsuren Jargal, Burmaa Byambajav, Bolormaa Jamiyanjav. Taking child age and physical features into consideration in the family upbringing (On the example of Mongolian family) // Вестник Бурятского государственного университета. Образование. Личность. Общество. 2024. № 2. С. 74‒81.

As a result of careful observation of the child-rearing and upbringing process for centuries, Mongolians have accumulated knowledge and experiences and determined the life cycle of a child based on their age and physical and psychological features. For instance, Mongolians say that a child aged 0-6 should be treated like a prince. It is related to their practice of determining the focus of child rearing and upbringing activities in consideration of the child's life cycle based on changes in stages of child development.

Our ancestors call the child life cycle between 1-2.5 years old or from crawling to walking «cycle of toddlers with so much work». Mongolians support the toddlers to «do their so much work» by putting something colorful and interesting around their playing space, encouraging them to bring those items, praising them with good words, and feeding them breast milk.

Since children aged 3-6 years old do not understand good and bad ones, Mongolians prohibit showing bad examples, arguing, and saying something bad beside them (1992).

When a child turns 4 years old, his relatively calm, friendly, and honest characters are changed, and he becomes more energetic and ready to «lie». This period is called «the period of being released from rope. Mongolians use ropes to ensure children’s safety and to avoid the risk of children getting burnt by hot stoves. At this developmental stage, children are told tales and legends, riddles and proverbs, and taught to speak and expand the scope of their dreams and aspirations. Sometimes their innocent telling of lies is corrected. In the «Oral doctrine» by Ishdanzanvaanjil, it is stated that: at the age of 5 when a child is full of energy, he needs wise doctrine and words that lead to the right path. (Namjil, T, 2002)

Children start helping their parents and others at about 4‒5 years old. Mostly, the parents ask for their help in small tasks such as bringing something light and small.

As the children start talking, the adults should state the words clearly so that they can learn to speak clearly. In this developmental stage, the parents and adults should promote their speaking ability through tongue twisters and proverbs, while teaching proper habits. Children should memorize small poems and tales to improve their speaking ability. At this stage, parents should allow their children to do the tasks a child can do himself.

Since children of this age are eager to know and learn everything, asking a lot of questions, the adults need to listen to their questions and explain everything patiently. It needs to make them understand the nature of good and bad deeds by using the example of characters of tales and legends. Extremely spoiling and spoon-feeding are not accepted. The toys are an important means of teaching and upbringing children.

Besides amusing children, Mongolian traditional toys help them to understand and realize the traditional way of life, customs, and ethics with no diligent effort while just playing. In addition, they promote children’s language, speech, and intelligence. While playing, children start acquiring interpersonal skills and techniques on how to deal with nature.

Differentiating the upbringing methods and forms in consideration of a child's age, and physical and psychological features makes the procedure of forming human virtue more meaningful, definite, and purposeful.

From the traditional upbringing methods

A word has a power.

What is the meaning of this sentence? Even a single word occurring in good or proper time can change everything. While motivating children, wise words make them more focused and diligent. Our ancestors have esteemed the pedagogical value of words from the ancient time. Good words help people find the right path in their careers and lives, and words that occurred at the wrong time can bring darkness to someone's mind. Accordingly, Mongolians note the similarities of good words and medicine, and the similarities of bad words and arrows. In particular, Mongolians say « Үг хатуу боловч амь-дралд туста» which means «Though the true word is difficult to hear, it is helpful for life in the future», and « Амаар алж, үгээр үхүүлдэг » which means «Kill someone with bad words» (tradition., 2010).

In addition, Mongolians prefer teaching through words by focusing on an exact person who needs to hear these words instead of saying them many times. For instance.

«Хэлэх үгийг эзэнд нь

Тавих морийг ижилд нь»

«Үг давтвал улиг

Ном давтвал билэг»

«Үг мэдэхгүй хүнд хэлсэн үг Үнсэнд хаясан сувд хоёр яг адил»

Say the words to a person, who should hear them Keep the horse not to be ridden in the herd If words are repeated, it is a nuisance

If books are reviewed, it is a knowledge

When you tell something to a disobedient person It is the same as when you throw a pearl into ashes

These proverbs are helpful for the children to realize when and how to say words while recognizing the importance of thinking again and analyzing the words.

Proverbs

While containing meaningful and in-depth content, the proverbs contain messages of warning, teaching, encouraging, and improving awareness in children. The content of the proverbs to be taught to children becomes more deepened as they grow older.

The proverbs all Mongolians listened to since their childhood year at home and school always accompany them until they getolder even when they pursue successful careers as Mongolians say «Even a centenarian follows the rules»

Mongolians emphasize the importance of folklore. How do they introduce the folklore to children?

The Mongolian folklore includes oral traditions such as learning numbers, riddles for guessing, proverbs, tales, myths and legends about the country’s establishment and history, poems, jokes, and other oral traditions. (Namjil. T (2007). Mongolian Family customs and traditions)

Inspirational role modeling — upbringing

From ancient times, Mongolians tend to prefer teaching through performing physical activity to learning something as an active participant to teaching through passively listening or watching a demonstration.

Upbringing children in real-life conditions means a way of life in which children and adults reside under one roof, fulfilling their relevant duties and respecting each other’s individualism.

During these collaborative actions, children work while learning and learn while working. Besides showing by example and telling in words, adults always combine work with collaborative actions.

Common mistakes that parents make in their upbringing

The utmost concern in humanitarian action is taking care, tendering, and educating our children.

Educating and upbringing a human is the action aimed at inheriting all the good aspects of a nation’s customs, traditions, way of life, ethics, and upbringing practices.

A family upbringing focuses on forming children’s mindsets by parents. In every community, a family is responsible for giving birth to, taking care of, supporting, and educating children. While becoming a social responsibility, upbringing and educating children becomes also a fundamental basis for family stability.

A family is the most important environment where children are raised and educated. Every family should maintain an appropriate environment for rearing and educating children as it is an important content in the family pedagogy (journal., 2005-2008).

The healthy growth and development, expanded knowledge, perspectives, and ethical formation of children are directly related to family pedagogy.

In many doctrines and oral traditions, it is stated that reciprocal filial piety is the source of strengthening the nation while developing the country of Mongolia.

Every Mongolian family has an ethical labor system in which children are «taught» how to acquire interpersonal skills while learning social behaviors stage by stage.

The training practice in a Mongolian family is based on a complex system that specifies at what age children should learn to perform tasks, promote intellectual development, and acquire knowledge.

Mongolian people’s belief in taking care of young children brings together their values in childcare and childcare duties.

Parents and children can maintain such practices through collaborative actions while promoting an appropriate attitude towards children. When we carefully observe the pedagogical method of a Mongolian family, some practices are considered common in Asian nations. For instance, in the Japanese system of child upbringing, it means learning from mistakes while encouraging children to identify which one was right and which one was wrong, instead of scolding children when they do something wrong. Even though Japanese parents allow their children to «show their attitude» to avoid scolding and criticizing them even on extremely faulty occasions.

The most important aspect of this system is that Japanese parents tend to encourage children’s confidence in correcting bad behaviors if a child motivates himself, not comparing the child’s wrong behavior to the child’s characteristics. They tend to help children acquire certain behavioral practices and habits instead of upbringing based on scolding and criticizing.

Such practice of child upbringing was also inherited in Mongolian family’s upbringing practice.

How they are demonstrated in today’s community?

Transformation in the family

• -    Alienation from neighbors and relatives, in other words, generational alienation is starting to occur;

• -    As women, including wives, enter the labor market;

• -    A load of work — Family began to emerge.

• -    As a result of the above changes, less time is spent on family relationships with children.

However, the above changes and factors will not play a decisive role in causing distortions in the growth and development of children and in the process of alienation between parents and children.

So, what will affect more

The fact that parents don't pay much attention to their educational methods and their state, which leads them to make mistakes in their relationship with their children (often unintentionally) is causing more dangerous effects.

What exactly is causing the mistakes?

Psychologists have studied the relationship between parents and their children and believe that mistakes are caused by the following two things.

Firstly. Failure to adequately monitor the child's behavior and development.

Secondly. Communicate emotionally with your child.

If one or both of these two mistakes are made at the same time, it is possible to cause the following serious damage to the development and maturity of the child.

• A.    If parents fail to properly monitor their child's behavior and state, like:

• •    Paying more attention to raising children's spirits,

• •    Domineering, excessive caressing,

• •    Unprincipled compromise,

• •    By constantly praising the good qualities of the child that he/she has and does not have, there is a risk that the child will develop a characteristic of arrogance in terms of behavior.

If parents do not care about their children, as our ancestors said we will not be able to make the child human, and then the parents will cause troubles in their own future.

• B.    Imposing excessive control and strict moral requirements on the child, as well as intimidating and threatening the child, ignoring the child's self-reliance, and inappropriately using methods of reprimand and punishment/especially beatings/crushing methods:

• •    Making children behave cruelly,

• •    Or the child can be depressed to the point of suicide.

• •    Lack of affection, proper supervision, warm relationship, and lack of awareness of the child's interests and problems (no matter how small) can lead to the child becoming alienated from home, wandering around, and getting into trouble.

• •    Using your child as a yardstick to compete with other adults, or constantly putting pressure on your child, or venting your frustrations by punishing your child, belongs to this concept.

The above characteristics are sufficiently revealed in the personal characteristics and behavioral characteristics of adults, like wife /mother/, husband /father/, grandmother, grandfather, and other grown family members and children belonging to the family. This is due to lack of emotional readiness, lack of knowledge, experience and morals to fulfill the duties of parents. There are several reasons for the problems that arise in the process of family educating. (Namjil.T, 2008) For example:

• •    Confirming how complex the problems of the child's development as an individual in the family are,

• •    It is seen how important it is to recognize and avoid the difficulties that every parent faces in the important task of educating their children. The most correct way to improve the education of children in the family is to prevent the mistakes during family educating made by all parents.

Let's briefly consider how children's communication development affects their psycho-behavioral development.

• 1.    The period from birth to 2‒3 months. The content of children's communication is primarily face-to-face and tends to value closeness. Children's primary means of communication are very crude, simple gestures and simple movements.

• 2.    From 2‒3 months to 8‒10 months after childbirth. The first stage of the child's cognitive communication is implemented, the need for the birth of new impressions, the use of the possibilities of his senses, and the need to develop his basic senses are very clearly revealed.

• 3.    The period from 8-10 months after birth to 1.5 years. Coordinated verbal and nonverbal communication will develop to meet the child's cognitive and intellectual needs. Language will become a means of communication.

• 4.    The period of development of children's communication between 1.5 and 3 years. The connection between work and play will improve, actions with objects and play activities will be activated. From this period, the child will begin to differentiate between personal and business relationships.

• 5.    3‒6 years period of development of children's communication. With the formation of deliberate choices, the child will skillfully use his natural potential strengths and the variety of experiences gained during life in communication. Situational and task-related communication will be activated, and the opportunity to actively participate in various game activities and create a communication environment by oneself will be significantly improved (project, 2017).

Every child's mental development can take place more intensively with the help of communication, starting from the first steps. The primary form of activity that occurs during the personal development of a person is communication.

Only through communication can the infant receive the support and information necessary for his development.

In Mongolia, we say: «Family — State». Therefore, if every family is in harmony, it means that the country is in harmony.

You can develop your child's intelligence and communication skills in the following ways.

• •    Play with your child at regular intervals. In this way, it is possible to understand the psychological state of the child while introducing new things to the child and developing his mind.

• •    Try to talk to your child as often as possible.

• •    Do not keep your child alone in a quiet room /for a long time/.

• •    Try to talk to your child as if you were talking to an adult. They will understand your speech. You notice that children understand the movies and people's conversations well on TV. He even tries to do dance moves, try to sing songs, recite poems, and talk about movie events.

• •    Don't ignore your child just because he/she is babbling. A child's babbling is a sign that his mind is actively developing.

• •    Don't talk to your child like a child, thinking that he or she has not yet mastered the language.

A child's upbringing and maturity environment is defined as the social relationships, structures, and organizations that directly or indirectly influence the development of a child's behavior and attitude. In the era of «digitalization» following the development of information technology, the influence of social media on children's upbringing is increasing more and more.

Suggestions

• •    Create a unified environment for child upbringing policy in Mongolia, define concepts such as «upbringing» and «maturity» and the functions of all parts in a unified manner in the relevant laws, so that an optimal interdisciplinary structure and mechanism can be formed.

• •    To develop interdisciplinary procedures aimed at ensuring the implementation of the functions of parts regarding child upbringing defined in family, education, children's rights and other relevant laws, such as «Mongolian Model of Child Upbringing Rules».

• •    Organization of programs and campaigns aimed at fostering civil, safe and intelligent use of the electronic environment for parents and children, involving child upbringing parts,

• •    Investigate and restrict content that negatively affects children's upbringing in the online environment (with the help of parental control and control of the telecommunications office), promote and support content that is positive for child upbringing,

• •    The school management is putting forward proposals to improve the effectiveness of parent and guardian meetings, to regulate the agenda and regulations, to provide parents and guardians with information about children's rights, dignity, and positive parenting methods that can be imitated by parents.